There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
