I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
