Don't make out with my wife yet
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Sorry my hands just texted you
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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