I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
