ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
