hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
