I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
