Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
the condom got lost in my hair
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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