This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
