how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
