dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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