its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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