Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Pants are for mortals
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
