last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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