well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
