mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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