apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
