The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Randomize
