She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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