hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
