Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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