i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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