I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
