Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Randomize
