So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
