The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
operation harelip BJ is a go
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
