I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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