DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
