I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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