sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This is my gift to your gina
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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