his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
