she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
