Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
