i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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