She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
