he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
