I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
