I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Randomize
