We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
