Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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