I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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