My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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