Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
