evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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