Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
