i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
