its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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