Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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