I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
