doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
