There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
