I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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